How to Wage All-Natual Biological Warfare

Hello everyone! How would you like to learn how to drive away friends and foes alike by using an edible smoke bomb to fumagate your entire house? Good, then you're probably ready for my all new creation, dubbed;

The M.O.T.H.E.R.
which stands for Mary had One litTle lamb HER fleece was white as snow

You will need:

A whole vegatable (I prefer onion, but you can use pretty much anything)
Three teeth of garlic
Lots of cayenne pepper
Oil
A ski helmet and mask
Ski goggles (optional)

Directions:

1. Put pan on stove and pour in oil. Turn on fire and heat till very very hot.
2. Slice your onion in large slivers.
3. When pan is smoking, dump in onion. Be sure there's plenty of oil, otherwise they won't smoke to their full capacity.
4. Heap in a genourous amount of cayenne pepper--the more the merrier!
5. Don your ski gear.
6. Dice garlic in very small pieces.
7. Dump garlic in pan.
8. More cayenne.
9. Another interesting twist to this recipe is to pour random spices into the pan. I reccomend lemon pepper and nutmeg.

By now there will likely be a large cloud of toxic smoke in your kitchen. All you have to do is open the door to the rest of your house and fan away! The result will be a posionous mist brewing through the house, causing all human life forms to suffocate in its ghastly mass. Symptoms include;
Watery eyes
Coughing
Dry, itchy throat
Short, labored breathing
Critical comments on your cooking (these usually will be accompanied with admonitions not to set the house on fire)

With your ski gear securely fixed on your head, walk through your house unaffected and watch in glee as all your family, friends and roomates seek shelter and oxygen. Interestingly enough, this recipe is completely edible and can act as a repellent for the in-laws and/or your boss. Simply chew small amount twice a day, after waking up and before going to bed. DO NOT BRUSH TEETH to ensure its success. An added bonus to this recipe is that it rids your home of most pests, including cockroaches and rats.
Happy Fumagating!